Finding Grace

So it's finally here.  2010. I've been saying 2009 has been the worst year of my life, but that's not true.  It's absolutely been my hardest year yet (I will not try to even try to lie to myself by saying ever, I know there will be harder times).  It's been a year full of emotion, tears, laughter...yes laughter, the belly cramping kind where you just can not catch your breath.  Surprised?  I was too when I started looking back over the past year.  I lost so much in 2009, I lost who I thought I was, I lost what I thought I valued most.  I lost the me that I had become.  I was in pieces, I had no idea who or what I was at some points.

And then the most amazing thing happened. Looking back I realize that I found strength I had no clue I had.  I found clarity, I found truth, and I listened to it....I finally listened.  I started taking steps away from a life, a world I held so dear.  I hung on for so long, thinking that was the only life I had.  Those were the most agonizing steps I've taken so far.  Every fiber of my being screamed to turn around, and one small voice...a quiet voice way way down said LET GO.  It's taken me a year to realize that the voice belonged to me.  The me that I wanted to be, needed to be, the me I was.  And I listened....I finally listened.  Hopefully, what I lost will be replaced by friendship someday.  Time will tell.

So here we are...my girls and I.  A family.  Conventional?  No....but really, what is?  

Over this past year the girls and I have found true happiness and love.  We've found true friends that we consider family.  We've found strength in each other, joy in the most simple things.

We welcomed 2010 with open arms, ready to embrace it all.  I left my baggage  in 2009, it has no place here anymore.  Try not to trip over it please.